Why I’m Quitting Swearing
I was 10 or 11 when I adopted swearing at school. Never in front of teachers, but my foul-mouthed friends were a super negative influence on me. But even if they were the reason I started, I alone was the reason I continued. Then sometime in high school, I’d made the commitment to stop swearing. I succeeded, to the best of my recollection. Until I started college a few years later, I was a comfortable non-swearer.
Why did I pick up swearing again in college? Realistically, probably because everyone was doing it. Here’s the truth about swearing:
It’s fun to swear.
I said it. In the right context, the right word can feel really satisfying to mutter.
It’s a very adult-thing to do, like smoking or gambling (neither of which I partake in). Kids aren’t supposed to swear, but adults can’t be told what to do.
I’m also a big fan of the English language, and how nuanced or emphatic we can become in our communication by proper word choice. I do not have the largest diction, but I respect and admire those that do. Vocabulary is a fun thing to nerd-out on.
A Few Rules I Upheld As a Swearer
Even as a routine potty-mouth, I had a few rules I abided by when it came to dropping some profanities:
No swearing in front of kids, my parents, my siblings (mostly), and anyone I was trying to make a good impression on.
There were a few curse-words I would absolutely refuse to use (No, I will not name them here, but they’re less swear-y in places like Australia).
No stringing multiple curse-words together. I mean, sure, if the moment strikes, but in general, it’s 1 or 2 curses per sentence max.
Swearing when angry is permitted, but never at someone. Period.
Humour was always the best use of a swearword.
Swearing is a quirky thing, when you really start to dig into why we do it. Many adults I know swear. Most do. In fact, I’m more surprised to find adults that don’t swear than the ones that do.
What is the actual definition of a swear word?
This is where it gets tricky. There are a lot of words that 99% of people would agree are considered swears, but there are plenty of words on the peripheral that straddle the line or aren’t explicitly swear words but can certainly be utilized to accomplish the same task.
My definition of a swear word is not going to be exact or exclusive. So with that in mind, here’s what I got:
A swear word is the use of a word (often with, but not exclusively a word with mixed societal or historical connotations) that is intended to shock, distort, exaggerate, offend, or harm; not always exclusively in the negative, but often inciting an air of negativity in the wake of its use. The use of any word with the proper intention can turn even the most innocent of words into a swear.
Wowsa. That was a mouthful.
I tried to simplify it into a dumbed-down definition, but it never captured what a swear encompasses to me. So that above paragraph is what I got.
I don’t limit swear words to just those you might be thinking of as traditional, though those certainly top the list. I think almost any word, used with the proper intent, can be construed as a swear word. Especially when they hint at what the curse word version would be "(“Mother F…ather!” “Son of bi..scuit!”).
Is that really the same thing as swearing? No. And honestly, I generally support substitution for any recovering swearers—though only for a time. The reason these non-swearwords can become swearwords is because, in using terms that incite the original dirtier version of the word, we’re still looking for the same impact of the swear but with less of the guilt. Disagree if you’d like, but keep on reading anyways if you do.
Why do so many of us swear?
I can’t give a definite reason. To certain groups of people, certain words do not have the connotations they do in other contexts, and what another person might consider a swearword, those people do not. Farmers referring to excrement as that four-letter S word generally aren’t swearing, but in another context, that word could be deeply offensive.
I think another reason we swear (or, rather, we allow others to swear) is because it is not cool to make a big fuss about someone swearing. Unless you’re in one of the previously mentioned situations (kids, parents, making a good impression), chances are you’re going to be mocked if you try to call someone out for cursing.
For better or worse (I’ll argue for far worse), we live in a society where no one is told they’re ever wrong, everyone has “their” truth, and no one is ever required to change. It is becoming increasingly unpopular to suggest to someone that there might be a better way than the one they’ve currently chosen.
And I get it on some level: who am I to tell anyone how to live their life? After all, is swearing really that bad?
Why is swearing bad?
I can’t give a definite or all-encompassing answer once again. I am far from the most qualified person to speak on the subject (we’d need a psychologist to weigh in for that), but here are my suspicions:
Swearing is a misuse of words with power. How does a word gain power? History, context, intention. No word is inherently bad, it’s how it’s used and what is intended by its use. This is why I argue any word can be a swear word; not just the traditional big ones. Even if a word’s history or context of being a swear is “because my parents always taught me it was a bad word”, it still counts. For most people, it will still carry that negative connotation.
Swearing amplifies our emotions and reactions—most often negatively. I unpack this more below, but I also think swearing sets us in a mindset to become angrier and more frustrated when we are feeling emotional. As I’ve written already, your words matter a great deal. And I fully believe that using the right (or wrong) words during a particular moment of heated emotion can amplify your own feelings beyond where they might’ve been otherwise. The reality we sometimes don’t want to face: how extreme a situation is often is dictated by our view of it.
Swearing exaggerates and escalates things. I have rarely seen a situation made better by the use of one or more persons beginning to swear. I have certainly seen swearing make things worse. If nothing else, swearing makes things seem worse—but I’m arguing it often manifests worsening.
Swearing is also lazy. I commented on the beauty of the English language (or any language—swearing is certainly not exclusive to one language). Of all the ability to use all the words in the world, why limit your vocabulary to the most common swears in circulation? Especially when you can express the same emotion without running the risk of offending?
Swearing demonstrates disrespect. Not everyone is as unbothered by the use of foul language, and you disrespect the people you’re in conversation with (or at least that are within earshot of you) when you swear in their presence. I’ve never seen someone get upset with a lack of swearing, but I’ve certainly seen people offended with the proficient use of swearing. At worst, by opting not to swear, you’re erring on the side of caution.
I could go on, but I’m going to tell you a truth:
I don’t really care why swearing is bad.
The fact is, for many people, it is. And I don’t know many people that are campaigning to make swearing not-offensive lol. And I’m going to argue below, there’s a very good reason for that. If swearing was non-offensive, I think people wouldn’t care to swear. They’d just invent new swears (which every new generation does).
So, why am I giving up swearing?
Yes, I have taken you down a very long, winding road already before I’ve even begun delivering on the title of this blog. And we’re only about halfway through all that I want to say!
But the context is really important here if there’s any chance I’m going to get you to see the full picture and understand my decision to stop swearing, effective immediately.
That’s right. As of today, Saturday October 30th, 2021, I, Aidan Hennebry, have committed to give up swearing.
Here are the list of reasons why I’ve stopped swearing:
1. Integrity of Character
I have a very foggy memory of being a child (could’ve been anywhere from like 4 - 8) when I was in some sort of childcare or after school program or something, and there was an “adult” leading my group (honestly, when you’re that small, anyone older than you feels like a giant. May have only been a teenager or college-aged kid) that I found myself looking up to—figuratively as much as literally. After the activity had ended and that person was off-the-clock, I somehow was within earshot to hear that person swearing when they made it back to their friends or peers.
In that moment, I had this gross feeling in my gut like I’d been lied to. That this person I was looking up to all of a sudden didn’t deserve my admiration. My parents always told me swearing was bad, and I remember being disappointed this person engaged in a bad habit.
If you disagree with my reason(s) above about why swearing is bad, you won’t see this as a big deal. And, now as an adult, would someone swearing be the sole reason I should cease looking up to them? Not even close. As I’ve stated already countless times, more people swear than don’t, in my experience as an adult (and as a teen!). The world would be pretty small if I excommunicated anyone that swore from my life.
But this story is only a partial framing of how swearing taints your character.
The fact is, as I explained in my rules above, I only swore in front of certain people. You might see that as a pro, but I see it as a con. Instead of celebrating my ability to compartmentalize my language use, I see it as a failure to be the same person across my whole life.
Am I allowed to be a different person to different people? Of course. My wife and my kids will know a very different Aidan than my friends will, than my siblings will, than my coworkers will, than a stranger on the street will. But I firmly believe there is value in aligning as much of myself as possible between who I am in private, and who I am in public.
2. A Practice of Self-Discipline
Not that I’m just out looking for ways to challenge myself, but I believe we ought to never stop growing and improving. Because I’ve identified—in my head, but in my conscience—that quitting swearing is a way to continue to improve upon myself, it’s something I’m eager to stop wasting time on.
I believe that habit forms character. And I believe conscious effort forms habit. If I want to be a person of integrity, I ultimately have to choose it.
Is self-discipline easy? Not at all! It’s self-denial. Do I want to keep swearing? As of today: yes. It’s fun! It’s satisfying! I’ve already said that. It’s also relatively harmless in the right context. But I know that I will have more respect for myself as a person by quitting, and I hope to earn more respect among the people in my life by doing the same also.
I must lead by example. To do otherwise would be inconsistent.
3. A Lack of Conformity
Conformity used to look like going to college, getting a degree, working hard at a job, proposing to a girl, getting married, buying a house, then starting a family.
In this day and age, that is anything but conforming. I don’t want to turn this blog into a commentary on modern day society, but studies show that more and more often, people do not commit to one spouse for life, do not wed before having kids, do not value working hard over changing careers tons of times over, do not believe in an objective truth, and value our individual selves as the pinnacle of importance over all else.
For many different reasons—primarily related to my Christian worldview—I disagree with these views strongly, and I uphold many of the items on the list in my first paragraph as worthy of pursuit. (Note: not all are compulsory whatsoever, but rather admirable and proper in the right contexts).
I think it’s a human instinct to strive for individuality and to avoid conformity. We all have different definitions of what it is, but I’d argue there are objective truths as to what society accepts and supports and what it doesn’t. I really think a lot of people swear because they see it as anti-conformity, but because of the sheer number of people I know that swear, it becomes conformity to do it. It’s a weird sort of paradox—and is being conformed (to an arguably mostly-harmless practice) the worst thing ever?—but it’s still something worth wrestling with. (My Christian worldview is also shouting at me Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”)
I work really hard to be aware of my biases and the way the world influences me. It is inescapable, and I will never be able to know all my blindspots (or they wouldn’t be blindspots, and I would be God himself). But I don’t like conforming to what the world is doing just because it’s easy or expected. This is what swearing has become for me.
If swearing didn’t cause so much reaction and stir—if it wasn’t considered so offensive—I don’t think people would care to do it. I think people like swearing because it’s offensive, and because it’s (in their mind) “countercultural”.
I’m really not here to just continuously crap on society like I’m better than it. I am a part of society by definition of being a human in relationship with other humans. But I vehemently disagree with the ideals that Canadian-American society upholds in 2021. I aim to attack the ideas and not the people.
I want to be anti-conformity for this decade and society, and for me, that means being committed to my wife, choosing my kids over my own interests first, and disciplining myself because I recognize something really, really important: I am not yet the person I want to be or should be.
I do not choose to be anti-conformity for anti-conformity’s sake; or because it is fun. I choose it because, in this way, I believe it is right.
4. A Control of my Emotions
Remember how I said swearing exaggerates and distorts?
I meant it. I firmly believe swearing only has opportunities to make things worse, but it does not have opportunities to make things better. This especially pertains to the emotions I’m feeling at any one time (and particularly, when I feel like swearing, I’m probably not in a great place emotionally).
I don’t believe we should be emotionless robots, but on a very personal level, I err more on the side of being a person that feels too deeply than being a person that doesn’t feel enough. There’s running jokes among my siblings of my reputation for being quickly frustrated. It’s funny at first, but when the laughing stops, I ask myself: Is that really how they see me? Is that really who I want to be?
Not even close. In fact, it shames me.
I fully believe removing swearing is a small step that will help me better regulate my emotions. I will be slower to anger because I will not have a quick or sloppy means of expressing anger. I will maintain a healthy a mode of expression, but it will not involve swearing. And because I (one day) will not hear swears in my head when I feel frustration or annoyance bubbling up, my emotions will not be amplified, my frustration will not grow, and I will more easily be able to move past that frustration and get on with my day.
Will the bubbling up ever cease? If it is a sin that I wrestle with, probably not. There are some sins that are lifelong battles for people. On some level, a short temper might be one of mine. But why surrender to it because it’s difficult? I do not want to have a weak character.
The health benefits of vocally expressing your frustration isn’t something I disagree with. But I do disagree that swearing is the only meaningful way to do it.
5. A Shaping of my Thoughts
Again: I swear because it bubbles up from inside of me. Why does it bubble up so easily? Because I’ve told myself it’s ok that it does.
Not everything in life can be altered by denial or suppression. Let me make that abundantly clear. But I am a firm believer (as I explain in my How Your Words Impact Everything blog) that changing your words will eventually effect your thoughts. Removing swearing from my thoughts is how you eventually learn to stop swearing subconsciously over the long term.
I don’t like that swearing makes me not only sound like a more upset person, but it also makes me feel and think like a more upset person. In order to curb that, I am confident changing my swearing habit will help. At the very worst, I believe I will break even on regulating my thoughts, but I’ve still erred on the side of caution.
6. A Betterment of my Heart
I’m a Christian, so this reason might not be applicable to you, but it’s one that’s deeply important to me, so I’ll explain it.
In the Gospel of Matthew 12:34, Jesus uses metaphors (like the fruit a tree bears) as an explanation for how a person’s actions indicate to us what’s on the inside of that person (their thoughts, their intentions, the condition of their heart). In this verse, Jesus specifically goes on to state “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” And that is convicting to me.
Am I taking this as far as to say anyone who swears has badness in their hearts? lol No. Not at all. But I am saying that, for the aforementioned reasons about how our thoughts shape our lives, I want to be better about what’s within me so as to best make the life that would honour my commitment to Jesus.
I believe that quitting swearing—a small act of self-sacrifice—has far more ability to change me into a better person than I fully realize.
Why would I not take any opportunity to better myself, especially when the level of difficulty of this opportunity is, honestly, relatively simple?
7. A Better Example for my Kids
This is really what it comes down to. This is sort of a summation of all my past reasons, so you might call this double-dipping. But I don’t really care. (It’s my blog and I’ll write what I want! Ha!)
I want to demonstrate to my kids that you can do the things you set your mind to. I want to show my kids you can make your own choices and think independently—truly independently. I want to show my kids you can live your life the way a minority of people might. I want to show my kids that you’re never too old to change your ways. You can teach an old human new tricks. I want to show my kids that it is better to live a life that errs on the side of being too respectful than disrespectful. Not in everything, sure, but in language and self-expression? I’m not interesting in limiting what we self-express, but rather how we express ourselves. Big difference.
I need to be the adult I want my kids to become.
It’s really as simple as that. I have failed many times. I have not always demonstrated integrity. But because I believe that you can acknowledge your shortcomings and repent of them (actively turn away), I believe it is not too late to me.
It is my intention to show my kids that it matters less that you were once wrong, it matters more that you have since changed.
In Conclusion
Is any of this reason enough for you to give up swearing? I don’t know. And honestly, I don’t overly care.
It’s more than enough reason for me. And I’m going to do it, starting now.
Not try. Not give it a run. I will do it. I said I will. I will fail. But I will get back up and I will do it again. I will succeed because I am giving myself no other option.
If you leave this blog having changed one belief, let it be the belief that you too can wash out your potty-mouth if you so choose.
Who is stopping you but yourself?
