When to Quit & When to Persevere
Here are two paradoxes that are equally true about me:
I like to quit something I’ve committed to as soon as I realize it’s not what I actually want; and
I like to persevere something I’ve committed to (to the end) because I believe there’s value in finishing what you start.
So if both of those things are true, the question becomes:
How do you judge what’s worth quitting and what’s worth persevering?
And… I don’t know if I have an answer. Will you follow along with me while I explore it?
The argument for quitting
My biggest justification in favour of quitting is something called the Sunk Cost Fallacy. Now, I’m not even sure I understand it fully, but in (what might be) my limited understanding, allow me to try to explain.
Let’s pretend you decide to buy tickets to go to a movie in 2 weeks’ time. The tickets cost you $40. You are now currently invested in this commitment $40.
Now let’s imagine that between today (the day you bought the tickets) and 2 weeks from now (the day of the showtime), things have changed and you no longer want to go to the movies.
But, because you’ve invested $40 of your money, you now feel obligated to go. You have two choices:
Go to the movies—even though you don’t want to—because you’ve already spent the money
Take a wash on the $40 and don’t go to the movies.
Which would you choose?
Most would choose #1, but when you really think about it, how silly is that?! You’ve already concluded you don’t want to go.
If you choose option 1, you not only lose $40, you also lose 2-3 hours of your time.
If you choose option 2, you only lose $40.
Either way, you lose $40. But you still are in total control of whether 2-3 hours of your life follows that $40 into the hole.
This is an example of the sunk cost fallacy. We often feel obligated to follow through with commitments we’ve made, even when there are no discernible consequences for backing out. Our guilt and subconscious mislead us. You took 1 step in the wrong direction, but you don’t have to make 3 just because.
Now, might you go to the movies and enjoy yourself anyways? Maybe. But it appears that in the 2 weeks it took for the showing to arrive, you have learned something new that leads you to believe otherwise. At this point, only you can judge whether it’s worth the risk.
All of this to say: I don’t want to fall into the trap of further committing myself to things (especially things that are self-mandated) when I realize it’s no longer something I care to accomplish. There are hints of this in my Discipline of Daily Writing blog entry. I’m open to the idea of not following through on 365 days of writing if—within that 365 days—I should gather new evidence that leads me to believe it won’t achieve the goals I have for it by the end (particularly assuming my goals may have changed).
The argument for persevering
It’s all too easy to list times that I’ve stuck something out and been very happy that I did so. Here’s (perhaps) a short list of ways I’ve seen this in my life:
Finishing my college degree, despite wanting to drop out halfway through, allowed me to gain more biblical knowledge, more life experience, and allowed me to be able to put those 3 letters beside my name on job resumes.
Learning how to drive standard. For so long, I thought my (then) girlfriend (now wife) was silly for having bought a standard. By the time we sold that thing, I was heartbroken to give it up. 4 years later, I still miss it.
I wanted to quit my day job and become self-employed as a wedding photographer much sooner than I did. Persevering that day job allowed us to buy a home much sooner, which has proven to be a gigantic benefit again and again and again.
2020 was an entire year of persevering. Watching my self-employed job fall apart, and forcing myself to pick up the pieces when it would’ve been easier to just get a day job (if I could), taught me that I have what it takes to figure something out in pretty extreme circumstances.
In 2020, Leanne and I each lost 45lbs. There were many times I wanted to quit (and we did quit, in years prior). Finally achieving that milestone was not 1 big decision to lose weight: it was multiple decisions every day to keep me on track for my goal—even when it felt like it wouldn’t make a difference.
In 2018, I read the Bible from cover to cover in 30 days. It took about 2 hours of my day, every day, for that 30 day chunk of time. It was difficult to commit to, but on the other side of it, I learned so much about God and my Bible that I am infinitely grateful for. It is actually my intention to read my Bible again cover to cover sooner than later. I’ve failed and repeated attempts but one day I will figure it out.
I could go on, but you get the point.
There have been countless times in my life where not-quitting provided me with immeasurable, endless benefits that I would not have received if I had not managed to see my commitment through. Hence my fairly confident declaration that I could, in fact, write something of value daily in 2022 in the first place.
I’ll expand more on persevering reflections a little further down.
Pride in decision-making
One of the biggest issues I think that plagues our society nowadays is the pride involved in decision-making. It is seen as a sign of weakness when someone changes their mind on something. We place more emphasis on consistency than we do on being objectively wise, and I think this is an embarrassing mistake to make.
Let’s use the COVID-19 vaccine as an example (spicy 🔥).
Let’s pretend you’re someone who was vehemently anti-vax, and you are very publicly vocal about being anti-vax.
Now, pretend that you have some sort of revelation, and become pro-vax.
You’re probably going to feel a lot of shame if you ever decided to share that with anyone publicly, because you fear being chastised for being a hypocrite.
But you’re not a hypocrite: you’re being true to your beliefs; it’s just that your beliefs have changed. Should you be publicly shamed / mocked / ridiculed because you changed your mind on something?
I don’t think changing your mind is reason enough to be bullied, but many people would use the opportunity to do so. And I think, because of that fact, we only increase the barriers to people discussing conflicting beliefs.
We should be celebrating the fact that a person had the wisdom to recognize they were wrong (on whatever topic) and have since changed their mind. Sure, I’m not saying you won’t have to answer for your previous or new line of reasoning, but the trial that comes with changing your mind is too much.
Surely nothing good in the world will ever be accomplished if no one changes. The only constant in life is change.
Patterns in quitting and persevering
Having taken the time to type all of this out, I think I’m starting to see some patterns in those decisions I want to expand on here.
On quitting:
In every instance in my life that I can think of when I quit something (I briefly debated naming a handful of them, but it feels like a fairly big tangent that isn’t worthy of being typed), it was obvious that the reward I hoped to achieve when I’d created my goal would not be realized through the method I’d chosen. In example form: I realized I wasn’t going to make a bunch of money by becoming a graphic designer. If more money was the goal, graphic design wasn’t the way there. While the goal might’ve been good, the method wasn’t.
If the method wasn’t the problem, I gravely underestimated the amount of effort required to achieve my goal. Using the graphic designer example again: maybe it wasn’t that graphic design wasn’t going to get me more money, but it was that it certainly wasn’t going to be as easy as I thought it was going to be. Starting to realize the actual scope of the project made me question my time and willingness to persevere.
I wasn’t ready to make space in my life for either the method or the reward. This is maybe the most brilliant (or succinct) realization in this entire blog. Choosing to pursue something means choosing not to pursue something else. Can you make room in your life for your new commitment? What is the thing you are—consciously—going to give up? What is the thing you might unconsciously give up?
What I thought was a short-term commitment turned out to be a long-term one. Like getting shredded lol. Abs and biceps don’t come after 4 weeks of working out. Anyone can behave for 4 weeks. Instead, you’re looking at probably 8-12 months of constant work to gain chiseled muscles. Sometimes, when I start a project, I have no way of knowing just how long the commitment might actually be. So quitting makes sense when you have more pieces of the puzzle to work with.
My priorities changed (not necessarily my goal, or a poorly chosen method), and I recognized this commitment that (at one point) was important to me was no longer important to me.
On persevering:
Persevering is not about short-term pleasure: it’s about long-term gain. Are you willing to suffer now for something you will glean the benefit of later? Every one of my persevering examples involved immediate suffering, but immense success later.
It is unglamorous. When you’re working towards that long-term gain, every day you only have a little more to show for your goal. It’s like building a house one brick at a time. While you will one day be able to stand back and marvel at the house you’ve made, today’s task involves a single brick. And then another brick. This are usually moments that feel insignificant on their own, but they need to be viewed in the wider context.
It is not one big commitment: it is a million re-commitments. When you are at the beginning of a new and big commitment, you should have the wisdom to recognize “There will be times, perhaps sooner than I’m anticipating, when I don’t want to follow through with this commitment.” So perhaps, if nothing else than to save yourself the embarrassment, try to foresee those obstacles well before deciding to commit to something, and weighing if the reward at the end is going to be motivation enough to overcome them along the way.
It was pretty well always worth it. I don’t want to make too broad a statement without having thoroughly considered it, but I don’t think that there have been very many times I’ve made a commitment, persevered, and then regretted it at the end. (Other than, perhaps, watching the entire first season of WandaVision.) Even finishing Grade 12 Calculus, which I didn’t need and suffered through daily, taught me a valuable lesson about seeing my commitments through. Did it have a noticeable impact on my life? I mean, I haven’t used calculus since. But—if nothing else—it being an early example of pushing through the obstacles may have set a tone for some of the other commitments I might need to persevere in my then-future.
The actual or additional reward for persevering may not be realized for a long time. This piggybacks on the last observation but it certainly bears drawing attention to because I think it’s a greater issue we (as people) often suffer through in life. When you start out with a commitment, trying to determine if you should quit it or persevere it, the intended reward you’re working towards may not be the ultimate reward that comes out of it. But more than that, that ultimate reward probably won’t arrive right when you think it does. I could give examples, but it seems easy to figure out on your own.
How to know what to do
This list of considerations below may not be thorough or completely accurate, but for today we’ll roll with them.
Quit your commitment when:
It is something as inconsequential as backing out of going to the movies (especially if the person you’re going with also doesn’t want to go, or is neutral on the decision)
When your priorities shift, and you recognize you could replace this commitment with something of far greater value
You realize how severely you’ve misjudged the time commitment to a project of this size; or you cannot even outline an approximate time commitment because there are too many variables beyond your control that could quickly extend the length of the commitment
You realize the path to this reward does not align with the worldview / philosophies / principles by which you live your life
It has a sizeable risk of harming someone or something else in your life of value (sizeable, in this instance, may be as small as 10%. You be the judge)
Persevere your commitment when:
The reward is of great value to you; no matter how difficult the obstacle
It is your first time making this particular commitment, because you never know what you might learn along the way or at the end of the journey
Someone (like your wife and kids) are depending on you to commit to this thing
You already recognize that the reward at the end of the commitment may actually be multiple rewards
The reward brings you closer to life achievements you hope to one day cross off your bucket list
You predict there may be countless useful skills and talents discovered along the way, even if the reward isn’t all that fulfilling
What this means for my life
As is probably pretty obvious, I’m erring on the side of persevering on things. I think the amount of lessons you can learn from pushing through the obstacles is incredibly valuable, even if the reward itself is not.
I think, if I had to summarize, two of the most important observations I’ve made here:
Persevering was almost always worth it.
The reward for persevering was not always immediately realized, but there was almost always a good one eventually.
Maybe I’ll circle back and update this blog sometime in the future to see if it still rings true!
